School of Rock and the Horribly Written Fic
by My Divinest
Summary: Will SOR ever stop being naive? Will Katie ever get Freddy? Will Michelle ever stop making out with those who Katie love?
1. Default Chapter

I own nothing. Rock on Mike White.

I feel like writing a horrible parody. It's not even a parody. It's _supposed_ to be. But it's not. It's just bad. Soooo flame if you feel like it.

-Amy-

ps- expect spelling/grammar errors when Freddy talks. He's "gangster".

* * *

One day Dewey Finn was in his band rehearsal room. He was…well…rehearsing with his band.

"That's great guys, we sound fine and I think we need to…" he trailed off as his gaze was drawn to a beautiful woman wearing a miniskirt so short that the censored sign SHOULD have been coming up (but wasn't) giving Dewey quite a view, walked by.

"Dawg you ain't even payin no attention to da music yo." Freddy Jones was the drummer. He was also delusional and thought he was an badass gangster.

"Oh Freddy, I wish you wouldn't talk like that, it makes me think that you're gone forever and that I can't save you from your self doubt, and your inner demons and battles! From the RAGING hormones you have, lusting after me…" Katie Monroe argued with him passionately.

"Yo mean my drunk pops?" Freddy asked.

"Do you know HOW I'll save you?" she continued, not hearing him. "Because I'm KATIE MONROE! Super bassist who's solos always end up on the cutting room floor!"

"Dawg you can't save me. If you were hotter then maybe I'd give ya a piece of **this**," he gestured to himself.

_fan girls melt into a puddle of goop everywhere_

"But since you're not I think I'm taking…Michelle. Cuz she's way hot man. Like soup wit no ice dawg. She's a cheerleader! The perfect slut yo dawg!

Katie burst into tears. "But what about me my love?! I love you! We're soul mates we belong together! We're like peanut butter and jelly, like the sun and the moon! We're like the stars and the-"

"Fish!" Summer yelled out.

"Yo Michelle. Wanna make out?" Freddy called.

"Are you enough of a bad boy for me?" she asked hesitantly. "Because I only sleep with the bad ones."

"Dawg I'm bad. I'm the baddest you got."

"Then, like, totally!" she giggled. She swung her hips as she walked over to Freddy, and adjusted her shirt so that it gave…well…whoever wanted one…a better view of her ahem attributes. "Like…Freddy, maybe we should like go somewhere more like…private."

"Naw baby we can do it here."

"Well if you like say so!" With that Freddy ripped off her shirt, and millions of fan guys everywhere dropped dead from the sight of her amazing body. Naturally no one noticed that Katie was sobbing her eyes out or that Freddy and Michelle were going at it over Freddy's drum set.

"So we sound good Dewey?" Zack Mooneyham asked, stepping over Katie's body which lay on the ground, being wracked by sobs.

"Yeah man, totally." Just then the doorbell rang.

Summer looked at Dewey. "Are you expecting someone?" He went to answer the door and as he swung it open he revealed the beautiful woman with the short skirt.

"Hello Dewey Finn." she said softly and seductively.

"How do you know my name?" he asked, immediately mesmerized.

"I know everything about you and your band. I want to be your manager."

"But I'm the manager!" Summer cried.

"Shush Summer! You can be a groupie." Dewey replied, never taking his eyes off the woman. "We have a gig tomorrow, if you want we can run through our set for you…"

"That's so kind! I'll just sit over here with my tape recorder and-"

"Your what?" Dewey asked.

"My banana!" she replied. "Can I look over your music too? Just so that I can make sure you get the right notes."

"Sure you can keep these. They're extras."

"You're so kind Dewey Finn. Now why don't you play." The woman suggested.

"Freddy, Michelle get off of each other. At least go behind him Michelle, so he can drum. Katie pull yourself together and play." Michelle got off of Freddy's drums and walked behind him, but continued to run her hands over his bare back because he too had taken off his shirt sometime during their wild make out session…and his pants…so he sat and began to drum in his boxers.

_fan girls drop dead_

Katie gathered herself off of the floor and began to play the bass, along with the rest of the band. They ran through their set and as soon as they were done, Freddy and Michelle jumped on top of the drum set again and Katie dropped to the floor.

Dewey turned around and the mysterious woman was gone. "That was weird," he said scratching his head. "Whatever. Our new manager had to leave guys. So practice is over. Gig tomorrow, don't forget."

Everyone began to pack up their instruments except Freddy and Michelle who were _still_ going at it.

"I've been shunned!" Katie wailed. "My love is gone, my heart is broken! I might as well die!" With that, she jumped out the nearest window.

"See you guys tomorrow." After everyone left, Dewey turned off the lights. "'Night Freddy, 'night Michelle."

The next day the band arrived to play the gig. They were going second. Dewey spotted the mystery woman…but she was sucking faces with the singer of the opposing band!!

_come on…if you tell me you didn't see that coming I may just have to kill you…_

The first band went on, and drum roll (bum bum bum BUM) thank you Freddy they played the same exact songs as School of Rock was going to play!!

_again…if you tell me you didn't see that coming I may just have to kill you_

"Guys we've been had. We should just quit." Dewey said. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright Dewey, we'll get 'em next time." Zack said.

"Yeah Dewey I…uh…I…uh…I LOVE ZACK!" Summer blurted out.

"Really?" Zack asked.

"Yeah." she replied.

"Oh." Silence. Then… "I LOVE SUMMER!"

"AW!" They kissed, and fell on the floor.

Katie, after surviving the fall from the roof, showed up, running wildly. "Freddy! Freddy! Freddy I love you!" she yelled as she ran right into the wall. "Ow."

But there was no one around to hear her. Zack and Summer were making out, Dewey was eating a banana….

And Freddy and Michelle were still going at it in Dewey's apartment.

* * *

And that's all for this chapter of The Horribly Written Fic…hahaha I bet you thought I was joking, right?

Love,

-Amy-


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I got nothing. Wanna sue? Here are some goldfish, leave me alone.

Chinsky: ha I knew you'd be a fan girl. And now for you would like like….soda….soda…banana?

Mark of Ctown: thanks

Rockerchik777: whatever floats your bot

Sweetcaroline3313: thanks

I am not a chipmunk13: I love you name!! Thank you so much!!

Pancake whackee: rock on for craziness, that's the one thing I'm good at. I'm so glad you liked it.

Spergirl: you do realize that you're the EXACT kind of person I'm trying to make fun of…right?

Thanks to all who reviewed, and to: UntouchableLostSoulRogue who reviewed to my one shot Tears All Dried Up…thank you SO much!! That's so cool that I've got a number one fan. It makes me feel special and stuff. Hehe. Thanks.

And now on with the show!

* * *

Freddy and Michelle had finally called it quits after about a billion on again and off agains. Katie, who's bruises had healed quite nicely, saw this as her chance. She wrote songs about her love for Freddy and gave them to Dewey, who (of course) thought they were wonderful. 

"Who are they about Katie?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied, staring directly at Freddy. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Oh guys I forgot to tell you. My niece is coming over today, she's staying with me for a while," Dewey said.

Zack frowned. "Dewey…I didn't know you had siblings."

Dewey looked confused. "I don't," he said as he went to open the door. As it slowly swung open the girl in the hallway came into the light and the band gasped.

"Holy multiple emergencies Batman! It's Emily Browning!" Lawrence exclaimed.

_**fan guys everywhere begin their countdown until she is finally legal**_

The band stared. "Do you guys have a problem?" Emily Browning asked cooly. She was dressed in all black, complete with heavy make-up. Upon her head she wore a beret with all kind of rock and roll pins.

"I think I love you," Freddy said.

"No man, I love her!" Zack exclaimed.

"No way I do!"

"I do!"

"I do!"

"I do!"

"Hey you wanna go?"

"Not really."

"Oh. Ok."

"So Emily Browning what do you like to do besides star in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events?" Summer asked.

"I like to drum," Emily Browning replied. "And play the guitar, bass, piano, and I sing and I play the violin and the cello and the flute…" The list went on and on. Finally when she was done the band just stared again, slack jawed.

"Wow," Marta said.

"Will you marry me?" Zack asked.

"No way dude I saw her first!" Freddy exclaimed.

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"I quit!"

"I quit first!"

"Really?" Tomika asked fearfully.

"Nah," Freddy said. "We just need some _tension_ in this room man, it's like being in happy forever land! Hey Zack??"

"Yes?"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you too!"

"Hey Zack?"

"Yes?"

"I love you!"

"I love you too!" With that the boys gave each other hugs and began to kiss…until the author stepped in. She made a slashing motion with her hand.

"Not yet!" she hissed.

"Oops," the boys said. "This creates…SEXUAL TENSION!" They folded their arms across their chests and turned away from each other.

"Anyway," Katie said. "It's nice to meet you Emily Browning. Sucks that you've caused a rift in the band."

"Yeah well this sort of thing happens to me a lot." Emily Browning replied.

"That, and it's quite common among clichéd fan fictions," Eleni piped in.

"Uncle Dewey I'm having some friends over today," Emily Browning said to Dewey, completely ignoring Eleni.

"'Kay," Dewey said.

"Hey Emily Browning-slash-Violet-Baudelaire would you play for us?" Alicia asked.

"Sure." Emily Browning picked up the bass and began to play a Who song, which was memorized. And she was amazing.

"Wow you're amazing!" Tomika exclaimed.

"Of course," Emily Browning replied, sounding bored. Then there was another knock at the door. "Oh my friends are here!" She yelled as she ran to the door. "Uncle Dewey I'd like you to meet my best friends. This is Matt O'Leary and his girlfriend Madison Wilson. This is Liam Aiken and his girlfriend Katie Chichinsky. And this is Richard Blake and his girlfriend Kennedy Chicaricci. And _this_," she pulled another guy into the room, "is my boyfriend."

The guy had blonde spiked hair, brown eyes, a charming smile and a set of drum sticks in his back pocket.

"Hey." he said. "I'm Kevin Clark."

"Nice hair!" Freddy yelled.

"Hey man, right back at you." Kevin replied. They raised their drumsticks to one another. Freddy then pulled out a real drumstick and began to eat it. Emily Browning took her friends around the city. Even though she had only been there an hour she still knew where everything was. It was amazing.

"What a good looking guy, that Kevin Clark." Freddy said wistfully, sitting on the couch as everyone left Dewey's apartment.

* * *

Sooo yeah. Review or not. Whatever. Love you guys!! 

-Amy-


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Authors note**: I want to thank all my reviewers but I don't have time to do them all personally, but here's a tiny something to.

_Rockerchik777- wow. I think you're crazy. Before you go around making assumptionsthatI am"denying the greatness of a band" you should know what the heck you're talking about. My school did Tommy last year for drama. I was in it and it was the most fun I've ever had in my life. I would say that because of it, my friends and I like The Who more than most normal people our age. I was not "denying their greatness" because I KNOW they're great. They are. That'll never change. I was DYING to go to their concert last year but I wasn't allowed to (it was on a school night…). I was trying to exhibit the fact that Emily Browning was a Mary Sue…perfect in every way…can pick up any instrument and magically know how to play it…the fact that it was a Who song she played was merely a coincidence as I was listening to Tommy at the time and decided to include them in my fic._

So yeah. You're nuts.

Also I just wanted everyone to know that I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST SOMEONE WHO CHOOSES TO LOVE THOSE OF THE SAME SEX!!! Really. I don't. So I'm not trying to come off as a bitch towards them. I'm just making fun of those who write really, really bad slashes.

And now I think this is a long enough author note. On with the show.

* * *

One morning Freddy woke up, with a realization. "Hey!" he said. "Today, I'm going to be gay!" He thought about it for a second and nodded to himself. "Yup. I'm gay." Then he got up and got ready for school. 

One morning Zack woke up, with a realization. "Hey!" he said. "Today, I'm going to be gay!" He thought about it for a second and nodded to himself. "Yup. I'm gay." Then he got up and got ready for school.

They met at the corner of their street with Summer and Katie, who were each trying to pick up their individual mates. I say mates because when I think of what Summer and Katie were _doing_ to said males, I think of something along the lines of a mating ritual between jackalopes. But Freddy and Zack didn't seem to care. They were too busy creating sexual tension between the two of them that will come up later in the chapter.

When they got to school they all took their seats. "Hey Billy," Freddy whispered during the announcements. "That's a really great outfit. The color totally accents your high cheekbones." He giggled to himself as Billy blushed and thanked him, adding his own compliment into the mix.

Zack stared daggers at Billy as he and Freddy fawned over clothes (even though they were all wearing the same thing…). Even though Zack had only realized that he was gay just this morning, he realized that he'd always loved Freddy ever since the moment he laid eyes on the drummers sun kissed blonde hair. He sighed and began to draw his and Freddy's names in a heart on his desk.

Later that day, they were at band practice. Katie was wearing all black as mourning for her loss of her love of Freddy, and then WHIPPED it off in favor of her new love for Gordon…who was currently making out with Michelle. Katie dropped to the ground sobbing. "No, why do you do this to me God?"

Meanwhile Dewey was working with Freddy because he just couldn't seem to hit the cymbal in exactly he right spot to make it TING. He just kept making it TONG and Dewey was getting agitated.

"No Freddy! TING! TING! TING for God's sake!!" Dewey exclaimed. "That's it I need a smoke…I mean a break. Zack come here, teach Freddy how to TING."

Freddy looked indignant. "What? Come one man, he can't drum! That's like making him peel a pot-ah-toe!"

Zack whirled around gracefully, narrowing his eyes. "It's pot-ay-toe you moron!"

"Pot-ah-toe!"

"Pot-ay-toe!"

"Tom-ah-toe!"

"Tom-ay-toe!"

"Ting!"

"Tong!"

"SEXUAL TENSION!" They both exclaimed and crossed their arms, turning away from each other.

"Damn sexual tension…" Tomika muttered under her breath.

"Freddy, Zack. Come on now. Turn around." Dewey coaxed.

"We can't." Zack choked out.

"Why not?" Dewey asked.

"Because I hate him!" Zack exclaimed.

"Well I hate him too!" Freddy yelled back.

"We hate each other?" they said, surprised. Slowly they turned around. They smiled. "We hate each other!" Then they proceeded to beat each other up.

Freddy tackled Zack to the ground, and fists began flying. "I've never hated anyone like this before! I hated you so... much... it... it... the... it... the... flames... flames... flames... on the side of my face... breathing... breathless... heaving breaths…burning flames…"

"Damn," Mrs. White said, slinking away into the corner.

Then it all changed.

Freddy looked at Zack as he was about to punch him. He'd never noticed the way Zack's totally noticeable brown hair curled over his eyes.

Zack looked at Freddy as he was about to defend himself. He'd never noticed the way Freddy's totally noticeable brown eyes sparkled before.

"Zack…" Freddy whispered, bringing his fist down.

"Yes Freddy?" Zack replied, lowering his eyes a bit to where Freddy's nicely toned chest was hovering just inches above his own.

"I…I need to…to tell you something…" Freddy murmured softly, his breath tickling Zack's earlobe.

"You can tell me anything Freddy," Zack said, looking meaningfully into his friend's eyes. "_Anything_."

"Oh Zack I love you!" he exclaimed.

"I love you too Freddy!" Zack agreed and they started making out.

"Oooook then…" Dewey said. They all walked out, leaving Zack and Freddy alone.

"Zack…Zack…Zack now that we're in love I just want you to know that it was I who stole your guitar last Tuesday, and I who broke the string!"

"What?! Freddy how could you?! I hate you!" With that Zack ran out of the room.

Soon after Emily Browning and Kevin Clark walked into the room. "Hey man, how'd you get your hair like that?" Kevin asked seriously.

"I made out with somebody." Freddy replied morosely.

"Hey Emily Browning, make out with me so my hair looks good."

"No. I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow." She said as she walked into the room she was staying in.

"Hey Freddy, wanna make out with me so my hair looks like yours?"

Freddy's eyes lit up. "Sure!" he exclaimed. They jumped at each other and well….

We'll just leave it at that.

* * *

Sooooo yeah. I had fun with his chapter because it was just alllll spur of the momento stuff. 

Review if you feel like it. It was shortI know, oh well.Hehehe. I like reviews. So please do so.

-Amy-

P.S.- I need a favor from someone. You see, my aunt is a teacher and she uses me as a guinea pig a lot for stuff she wants to try, and THIS TIME she wants to try to get her school to let her do a pen-pal program. But they won't let her because they're all worried about people getting their students addresses.

So she's asked me for help. She wants to prove that good can come from being a pen pal. (The Centereach school people are stupid and don't know this…) Because she's my godmother and I love her a lot I said I'd help her. But I'm stuck because…well I know everyone in my school basically and there'd be no point in writing them letters if I see them everyday anyway.

So here's where you guys come in: If anyone is interested in helping me, drop me an email and I'll explain what you have to do. Ok? Ok. Thanks.

And remember: REVIEWS ARE FUN!!


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